Taking in the sun and drowning in thoughts...

Well, it's been a while, as always, I forget I have this thing and never write in it. Hmmm a lot has happened since the last time I wrote in this. In 8 weeks I'll be done with my freshman year of college... it's so weird.

It's spring break and I'm home taking in the sun and loving it. Too bad while Im doing that my mind is running a marathon about everything there is to think about in life.

So pretty much I've spent the last week just like thinking about everything and I've decided Im really dissatisfied with everything thats been going on lately in my life. I hate how Ive let stuff happen and fall apart. I just make bad decisions, but I'm good at covering them up. Sweet right? Negative. I hate having so many "what if" feelings and wondering about the future. I hate not being able to let stuff go, I wish I didnt care about things so much, I wish I could just be like screw it and dismiss things, but I cant. It sucks. I hate leaving everything the way it is, having stuff in other peoples hands, and not being able to be the one that makes the desicions, just being the one left to wait. Whatever, I'll get over it eventually, right? I hate caring too much, I wish I could be meaner, and be able to see the bad in people and let that overtake the good. Or I wish I just could gain some perspective and not be so biased. Why is it that no matter how much someone hurts you, all you want is them back in your life? Shouldnt it be the other way around? Shouldnt you never want to see them again? Ugh, whatever.

Okay I dont really have anything else to say. Bye.